November 1st: Day One

1 Nov

I live in this moment right now. I focus on what I need but I do not know what that is yet. I’m scuba diving, slowly letting out the air until I sink to the bottom of my pain. It might be awhile. I’m okay with that. For now I dwell in this place. It hurts. I need grace. And probably a lot of space– to grieve. I can’t conceive–how long it will take. But I’m here in this coffee shop, cold. Shaking from lack of food today or maybe just a random tremor. They started last night and continue. When I tell myself truth they go away. I couldn’t have tried any harder. It isn’t easy because these things never are. Here I am at the end but also near a beginning. That’s what I’m focusing on. Every moment is a new feeling. I can’t seem to contain them all but maybe that’s not my job. For now I’ll continue to repeat the following and I’ll remember that Jesus is the Great Comforter. And He will be mine today, right now, in this moment.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

-St. Patrick

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