Stream of Consciousness: Blurting out random thoughts

17 Mar

Respond. Respond to the different stories. To where people are at. I can’t help but think how unique, how beautiful all of the women I’ve encountered lately are. We’re so quirky and wonderful. Everyone has a story. A place they’ve been. A place they want to go. Everyone has pressures, thoughts to work through. Poetry in motion. People are blunt and true and struggle to be themselves. They might be embarrassed. True vulnerability, I’m learning, is beauty.

Loving people’s moments of epiphany. Their movements toward self-realization. To a deeper sense of themselves and more. Like a dance. Loving to take part in the process of realizing we’re all human together. It’s a foreign situation– connecting the dots of life. Of story. Comedienne. Poet. Musician. Photographer. Writer. Person. So much more than that.

Words express me. I express words. Words strung together make an amazing piece of art. Fated to always use words. Cerebral, yet unapologetic words. I break through. This breaks through the boring doldrums of our days. How do we really express ourselves? Love ourselves better? Believe we are true to who we are and are meant to be? Revealing my passions, my struggles, my hopes and dreams. Almost there. Here is not so bad though. What if I were content with now? What if I were okay with who I am in THIS moment? I take a second to inhale. To breathe as I was taught this past weekend.

I worry about being judged by people. I’m so sick of always being on guard. My eggshells I walk on are breaking and I’m starting to feel the yolks stick to my feet. It’s gross. I don’t want to care. I want to be free there. Stop holding my tongue, being quote unquote perfect.

It feels like the parts of my childhood I’d rather forget…

I go in this direction.

Unexpected expectation. Where in tarnation

Do I endeavor to discover,

Uncover this belief?  I feel like a thief, brief but stealthy,

I’m working toward healthy.

Break free from my Yolks and yolks. Maybe tell some jokes. Laugh with joy,

Begin to employ– a new sense of self, protected. Unrejected. Free to be. Free to laugh.

Free to find that joy all around me.

I’m uncovering the truth. No excuse.

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3 Responses to “Stream of Consciousness: Blurting out random thoughts”

  1. shannon leith March 17, 2011 at 6:27 pm #

    mmmmmmmmmm! MELISSA! so good. my favorite part: Break free from my Yolks and yolks. Maybe tell some jokes.

  2. Becca March 19, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

    Beautiful. Thank you! I needed these words this week, and also these questions: “What if I were content with now? What if I were okay with who I am in THIS moment?”

    • purpleambrosia March 19, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

      Thanks so much, Becca! Glad it was good for you.

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