Archive | April, 2011

Asking The Hardest Questions Of My Life…

18 Apr

We have this magnetic pull when we are in new relationships that keeps us engaged and excited about them. It almost overtakes us and suddenly most things pale in comparison. Our feelings become paramount and we go to what one of my friends calls “Boy Island.” (Or “Girl Island”). I’ve lost many a friend to “Boy Island.” I’ve gotten shipwrecked there myself one or two or seven times. Sometimes if we’re not careful, we become other people if we don’t set good boundaries early on in a new relationship. It can consume us and become a false god, in a sense. It’s very easy for this new wonderful thing in our lives  to become our lives. We’re filed with hope and a sense of amazement.

But, this is a critical time when we need to learn (myself included), that we mustn’t hold too tightly to a person.  Otherwise, we’ll become prone to thinking of that other person as “ours” which results in us thinking we own them and that they belong to us.  It’s common in our culture to call things “my.” After all, we have our cars, we live in our houses, we have our roommates, we walk our dogs. These things belong to us in one way, shape, or form.  But if we grab on for dear life, if we connect too deeply too quickly with someone and then we lose that person, what are we left with? I’ll tell you from experience: Heartbreak. Loss. Sadness. Tears. Emptiness. Vapor.

What would it look like if we did things a little differently? What would it look like if we thought enough of ourselves to BE ourselves in relationships? What if we didn’t hide from vulnerability? Or if our problem is over sharing to the point of “too much information”, how would it be if we held back and didn’t dump on someone all the time? What can we do to ensure that we date in a healthy way? How do we honor God in that? If we break up, how do we have a good goodbye? How do we co-exist together and still move on if we both share the same group of friends? How do we grieve well? What do we do with the “Whys” of why it didn’t work? How do we not blame ourselves? How do we TRUST that this is bigger than all of us? In the messiness of relationships, how to we behave towards our friends, community, family, and those who we don’t end up marrying? Ultimately the question is: How do we love well and what does that look like? Not ten years from now, RIGHT NOW!? 

I’m currently doing a deep study of myself and my friends and community on these very issues. I’m asking hard questions. I’m wondering how to better love my friends as we walk out singleness, date, get engaged, and get married. I’m on a new adventure and I hope to use this space to write about it. I’m only speaking of the tip of the iceberg here. I’m going to be asking really hard questions. Many people will likely disagree with my answers to these questions. I’m preparing. More is coming. This is my epiphany. This is sacrificial love. This is the gospel. Or as some have called it, the REVOLUTION. And as I learned tonight in a God-confirming and powerful way, this is what love does.

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Coloring Like A Kid

12 Apr

I love it. I love coloring. It brings me back to a place I haven’t been in a long time. A childlike place. Sometimes when I babysit, I’ll beg the kids to color and I’ll end up coloring my page long after they lose interest.

My friend Liz Roddy told me about this book “Praying in Color.” I haven’t read the book yet, I just took a risk and started writing people’s names in markers and then writing words next to them that I thought of and drawing lines and dots. It was so helpful to get it out into one place. It became therapeutic for me, actually. I was able to focus and suddenly, praying was actually kind of fun and not some other part of my To Do list.

A short entry but I thought I would share anyway. Have you colored your prayers lately, if ever? I hadn’t either. I have a feeling I’m going to like it though! 🙂

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